A Tremble In The Pacific Ocean In The Cotton...
by David S
Summary: ...Fields of North Dakota. That's right, a sequel to Generic Art Flick! Well...not really. No. But it IS random. Er, yeah.


A TREMBLE IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN IN THE COTTON FIELDS OF NORTH DAKOTA  
  
By David Solomon  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 387: DRAMA HITS THE AIRLINES  
  
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty," Fei voiced, looking under a table.  
  
"What psychokilenanotechnic action are you doing?" Alex asked.  
  
"I'm looking for Mr. Kitty!" Fei replied.  
  
"And who is this Mr. Kitty?"  
  
"He's my kitty!" Fei took the table and threw it out the window.  
  
"You don't have a kitty."  
  
"Shut up! Of course I have a kitty. Besides, you should be in Lunar."  
  
"You know, I'm sick and tired of all this! I want the truth!"  
  
"You can't handle the truth!"  
  
"Oh, really? And what's so bad about this truth?"  
  
"I don't have a kitty!" Fei took his shoe off and threw it out the window.  
  
"Hey! That really hurt!" Shouted somebody. "Who throws their shoe? You fight like a girl!"  
  
"I knew you didn't have a kitty. How is that so startling?"  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 23: JOHN CARPENTER'S LA LA LA  
  
"I need to know!" Cecil said. "Are you a business man, or a news man?"  
  
"Uh, neither sir. I'm the janitor."  
  
"Oh. Right. Well, then, without further ado..." Cecil took out a playing card. He threw it up into the air. It exploded. The entire building went BOOM! And the only survivor was Chu-Chu.  
  
"Chu must realize that my entire presence in the game Xenogears was chuless."  
  
"And that's why you need..." Butz took out a large piece of cardboard. "A LARGE TIKI TIKI PANDA THAT ENJOYS TO PLAY BOARD GAMES WITH PARROTS THAT SAY THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT RELATE TO THE LOVELY COMEDY WITH JOE PESCI AND FRIONEL FROM FF2J  
  
  
  
"And that's why I don't need periods!" Says Shadow. "Speaking of which, where's my housekeeper?"  
  
"It's the frost," Umaro said. "Sometimes it makes the maid sick."  
  
Shadow was confused. "Where did you come from?"  
  
"Excuse me?" Fei said. "Has anybody seen my kitty?"  
  
"A kitty? You have a kitty?"  
  
"YES! I HAVE A KITTY! DOES ANYBODY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?"  
  
"No." said Shadow. "I don't need periods. AAHH! I just used one! Two! AHAAHAAHAAHAAHA!" And Shadow dropped dead. Fei sighed.  
  
"I need my kitty."  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 3: THE SLIGHTLY IMPERFECT STORM  
  
"Throw out your bow line," Ness said. "Throw out your stern. And throw a wave to the lighthouse guy's kid. You know what? You're a swordboat captain."  
  
Erdick paused. "No I'm not! Where did you come from?"  
  
Ness just laughed. "I am U-572! Destroy me!"  
  
"Okay." Erdick cast Firebal (with one L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!H!!!!!!!!!!!E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!H!!!!!!!!E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Ness died.  
  
  
  
INTRODUCTION  
  
Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly present to you one of the most critically acclaimed tales of loss, life, and victory. It is the FIRST STORY I WILL WRITE WITH NO FINAL FANTASY 7 CHARACTERS IN IT! HUH? ARE YOU HAPPY?  
  
"Hey, you know, FF7 sucks," Says the Dragoon from FF3j.  
  
"Yeah, and you know what sucks even more?" Asks the Knight from FF.  
  
"What?"  
  
"**********************************************************************************************************..."  
  
"Hey, wait a minute, this is the introduction."  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 8156341298567: WEE-GAS  
  
"Hi, Edgar!" Speaks the cheese. "We went to high school together."  
  
"I don't seem to remember you," Edgar replied.  
  
"Oh, that's okay. I wouldn't remember me either."  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Speaks Joe Pesci. "Oh, honey, don't be weird."  
  
"OKAY, honey. I'll be whatever you want to be." And the cheese grabbed Joe Pesci and started kissing him.  
  
"Holy excremental deportation!" Edgar shouted. "That is some totally ******************************!!"  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 23: I DECIDED TO SUCCESSFULLY STATE THAT MY NAME IS FAR FROM THE ACTUAL STATURITATIONALICICITILITILITILITILITILITI-LITILITILITILITY OF THE PSYCHOKINESIS BY THE ANTIDISESTABLISHME-NTARIANISM OF KAIN  
  
Kain just stood there. "How did I get into this story? Oh, well, as long as I'm here...um...porno rules!"  
  
  
  
CHAPTER -3: ZERO MINUTES TILL THE MILLENIUM  
  
"Is over!" Fei shouted. "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah Iwant my kitty."  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 832: KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY  
  
Fei jumped on the top of a small building. "Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty   
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitt  
y kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poo gas! Has anybody seen my kitty?"  
  
"No," Poo gas replied.  
  
"Wee gas!" Fei shouted. "Has anybody seen my kitty?"  
  
"No," Wee gas replied.  
  
"Sigh...why can't this be as easy as blowing up the death star?"  
  
"Oh, you just HAD to make a reference to Star Wars, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?" Billy stepped out of Fei's shoelace.  
  
"I MUST HAVE MY KITTY!!" Fei screamed.  
  
"You cannot have your kitty," Billy said.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because James Cagney lost the battle between Squall and Ryogo."  
  
And speaking of Ryogo...  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 99: FRONT MISSION 9999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999  
  
"I'm a transvestite!" Ryogo said.  
  
"So am I!" Joe said.  
  
"Me too!" Lukav said.  
  
"Why are you all doing this to yourselves?" Dennis asked. He looked at Ryogo. "You're never gonna be a woman!"  
  
"I'm more of a woman than you'll ever be!"  
  
Dennis got mad. "Are you...talking to me? You must be talking to me! There's nobody else here! Except for Joe, and Lukav, and me. And Joe Pesci.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 666: ZENOGAIS  
  
"Why is it called Xenogears instead of it's correct Japanese name, Zenogais?" Elly asked Citan. "And while we're asking questions, why are two names-Elhaym and Ellone-abbreviated the same way-Elly?"  
  
"Well," Citan began. "The second question is simple. Nobody gives a flying rat's ass."  
  
"I hope not. I'd keep such a gem."  
  
Citan coughed. "The first is a bit more challenging. You see, over the course of many years, paranoid mainstream America has gave birth to a new age of controversy over homosexuality and the result is that any syllable giving referrence to homosexuality is officially a site for danger in the unfortunate realm of the psychotic powers of the evil republicans of the states that have such people within their domes of devastation which brings me to another point relating to the show celebrity deathmatch which makes me wonder whatever happened to that show I guess we'll never know because the sheer might of the power involved in this statement is of a maximum quantitude at this current period in time in this very state in which we're trying to discuss the status of several different things including the state of Jerry Garcia."  
  
Elly paused. "I'll be back."  
  
"Okay!" Elly came back in a car and ran Citan over.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?" Citan asked Elly.  
  
"Buddy, I'd be the luckiest man alive if that did it for me."  
  
"I rule!"  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 40: THE PHANTOM DENNIS THE MENACE  
  
"Hahahahahaahhaah!" Dennis said. "I'm so evil!"  
  
"Gufadfhsdiafh!" Smithy said. "Do you know why you're so evil?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because the negotiations were never made."  
  
"But the negotiations were short."  
  
"There's always a bigger fish."  
  
"Exquise me?"  
  
"NOBODY LIKES JAR JAR!!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis.  
  
"Kind of makes you feel discouraged, huh?"  
  
"WE USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" Smithy took his sledgehammer and smashed Dennis. Finally, Dennis died.  
  
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"  
  
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That voice came from Frog. "I sp...p...p...p...p...eak like a freak!"  
  
"And you know what else? Your wife is a ******************************."  
  
"What sort of ghetto establishment is this?"  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 3821: HOW MUCH LONGER CAN WE KEEP THIS SHIT UP  
  
"Not long."  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 1238571298: DO YOU THINK THAT WE MIGHT ACCIDENTLY TYPE IN THE SAME RANDOM NUMBER FOR THE CHAPTERS?  
  
"No."  
  
  
  
CHAPTER...ONE...TRYING...TO...RESTORE...ORDER...!...!  
  
It...began...one...summer...day...when...the...first...console...R...P...G...was...created...it...was...called...D...D...can't...hold...on...chaos...coming......TASHIOBLEACKOFIDSUDIOSAIFDNSKALFJDSKVDSLVCXKVCXJVCXIVSFDS CHICKENS AND HENS ARE PART OF LUNAR! THIS JUST IN! NALL IS A SOB! NEXT JUST IN! LUNA AND ALEX ARE FREAKS! DO YOU KNOW WHY?  
  
"Because Luna is Alex's adopted sister, and it's perverted that they have this twisted relationship," Says Kefka.  
  
"What would you know about relationships, you evil amoral harmful unfortunate depravity disasterous mean inferior shabby worn unkind cruel malicious despicable detestable hateful odious offensive insulting sickening nauseating repulsive horrid terrible fearful distressing crucial acute smart intense profound concentrated strong unadulterated uncorrupted genuine authentic piece of crap!"  
  
"Who said that?" Kefka asked.  
  
"Who said what?"  
  
"That?"  
  
"It?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"That?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"When?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"How?"  
  
"pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."  
  
  
  
CHAPTER...uh...er...um...EPILOGUE!  
  
And so, having rid himself of the beast once known as Cameron Diaz, we safely assume that the end is near. The end. It's over. Stop reading. NOW!  
  
  
  
CHAPTER KITTY: THIS STORY WON'T END UNTIL THEN!  
  
"Hello, audience," Says Fei. "I'll be frank. Frank Sinatra! It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! Unless you're Spike Lee! But seriously...WHERE'S MY F***ING CAT? I NEED MY F***ING CAT BECAUSE HE'S A SWEET LITTLE KITTY THAT LIKES TO BE PET AND FED ALL THE TIME! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE FIND MY...  
  
THE END  
  
...KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITT  
Y! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY  
! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! Oh, there you are.  
  
THE END 


End file.
